Welcome, Foolish Mortals!

Disney 'n More

2008-03-21T19:11:15Z

Every time I go to Walt Disney World, I feel like I want to be an Imagineer more than anything. Overall, the trip was great - the weather was wonderful, and I got to go on every ride I wanted to at least once (except for Soarin’, which was evacuated after some sort of accident that was not explained to us). I went on the Haunted Mansion four times, and it looks and sounds better than ever. I have a couple of minor complaints (I think the light on the hanging corpse above the stretch room should stay on for maybe one second longer, and I am still not sure how I feel about the new attic bride) but overall I think the refurbishment was a great success.

Speaking of which, my room is turning into the Haunted Mansion’s attic. Victorian bricka brack that I’ve been collecting for our remake of "Eleanor’s Lullaby" now fills every available nook and cranny, and I practically have to dig through piles of lace and petticoats to find any of my own things.

I am really excited about this project. The first one was a magical experience and I will always look back on that time with fondness, but Chris and I have just grown so much as filmmakers (and I feel like I am a better actor now), so we’re thrilled to give it another shot. There were a lot of great things about the original, and we are going to use it as sort of a "rough draft," keeping what is good about it but making some changes where needed. The ending this time is going to be COMPLETELY different, and I don’t want to give away anything right now, but I think it’s going to be much more bone-chilling than before!!

Well, enough for now. Time to get ready for work.

Blah Blah Bleedily Blah

2008-01-29T06:26:55Z

1. If you had to draw a picture right now, what would it be?
oh dear... it would probably be (what else?) the house from The Money Pit or some similar old house

2. Have you ever spit on someone before?
I'm not a hasty-witted strumpet!

3. Do you close the door when you pee?
usually, but if there are people around, definitely

4. Describe your wallet:
black, Calvin Klein tri-fold

5. Describe your wallpaper on your computer’s desktop:
I can do better than that:

6. Describe your background on your cell phone:
some random orange splash that came with the phone

7. What jewlery do you wear daily?
none, and the only piece of jewelry I ever wear is my college ring

8. Where was your default picture taken?
my room, by myself (and I realize how self-involved that is...)

9. What color are your eyes?
dirt brown

10. Your life in ONE word:
vintage

11. Have you ever thought about killing yourself?
yes, several years ago

12. What are you wearing right now?
blue jeans, striped J. Crew button-down over a gray T-shirt, white socks

13. Do you snore?
no, but I do grind my teeth

14. What is your favorite kind of pizza?
pepperoni

15. How many pillows do you sleep with at night?
two, but sometimes three if I put my arms around one and pretend it's another human being

16. What are you listening to right now?
a CD from Target called An Afternoon in Paris... LOL

17. Who are you thinking about right now?
how I shouldn't get a snack because I'm on a diet but I'm really hungry :(

18. Do you wear cologne or perfume? What kind?
Polo Blue for day-to-day, Ralph Lauren Romance or Burberry Brit for special occasions or "classy" evenings out

19. Do you like the smell of gasoline?
I did when I was little... not so much anymore

20. If you had to spend the rest of your life on a deserted island with one person, who would it be?
Hermione Granger, because she could probably think of a way to get us back to civilization, or at the very least use her wand to help us out a little

21. Would you ride a bull for $1,000 that has previously killed 3 people?
LOL, I don't think so

22. Do you sleep naked?
no, though I sometimes sleep in just underwear

23. Will you ever use a tanning booth?
I doubt it

24. Ever drank an entire bottle of tequila by yourself?
no! I have finished off plenty of bottles of wine by myself, but I am not that hardcore of a drinker

25. Do you believe in miracles?
I guess...

26. Silver or gold?
silver

27. Do you burn easily in the sun?
yes

28. Do you want to live where you are right now for the rest of your life?
HELL NO, that is not even funny

29. Name something that happened to you in 1995?
my best friend Gavin moved to Japan

30. Do you talk to yourself?
yes

31. What is the last thing you said out loud?
"yeah" ... how thrilling

32. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
LOL, plenty of childhood drag ones at my grandma's house

33. Where in the world is Carmen Sandiago?
spelling her name correctly

34. Last time you ate pizza?
hmm, about a week or so ago when Stacey and I went out to Pizza Hut for a late night snack

35. Last person you talked to on the phone?
mom

36. Last person you texted?
Stacey?

37. Are you ticklish?
yes, very

38. Do you believe in God?
undecided

39. What was the last thing you ate?
eggrolls

40. Who is the last person you hugged?
Pam?

41. Do you like Taco Bell?
I have been there maybe twice in the last 10 years (including one visit two days ago) ... too much of their food has cheese/sour cream

42. Do you like mac and cheese?
ugh, no sir

43. What do you wear more... slacks, jeans, shorts, or sweatpants?
jeans, followed by khakis

44. What is the last movie you watched?
There Will Be Blood

45. Do you believe that you can change someone?
I don't know... I think you can have a profound impact on another person's life, so I guess so, but not in an "I don't like ____ about you so I'm going to change you" kind of way

hauntedgeek @ 2008-01-13T23:40:00

2008-01-14T05:16:21Z

I am so sick of winter. I am sick of my same old sweaters and I am sick of being inside and I feel like a bloated cadaver most of the time. We haven't even had one decent snowfall this season yet. Everything is stale, stale, STALE!

Tomorrow I'm going to do three things that are long overdue: get a haircut, clean my wretched room, and get a condamn car wash.

I also need to remind myself that every shift I work brings me closer to getting the HALE out of this hick-ass town.

New Year, Schmoo Year

2008-01-01T07:08:31Z

Be glad you're not one of these poor betches!

How did I celebrate, you may (or may not) wonder? I came home from work around 1:00am, then I had some stale Triscuits and hummus, microwaved a Lean Cuisine, and downed a bottle of J. Roget that I got for free. I'm the epitome of class.

hauntedgeek @ 2007-12-31T04:21:00

2007-12-31T09:31:04Z

Insanely bored + can't sleep = this ridiculous picture.

If my eyes are glazed and I seem like I'm deep in thought, chances are I have one of these three things on my mind.

(Also, three updates in one day? Before this I don't think I did three updates in the past three months. Chris, Nick, Heather, Stacey, and Tanique have all fled to greener pastures, so I am not sure why I don't just give in and let this journal R.I.P.)

Blog Thaaangs

2007-12-31T08:35:46Z

You Belong in the Upper East Side

You're an aspiring blue blood, and you want the best of New York high society.

And while some may think you're conservative, you still appreciate good art and culture.

Where Should Your Inner New Yorker Live?

You Are Impressionism

You think the world is quite beautiful, especially if you look at it in new and interesting ways.

You tend to focus on color and movement in art.

For you, seeing the big picture is much more important than recording every little detail.

You can find inspiration anywhere... especially from nature.

What Art Movement Are You?

You Are a Boston Creme Donut

You have a tough exterior. No one wants to mess with you.

But on the inside, you're a total pushover and completely soft.

You're a traditionalist, and you don't change easily.

You're likely to eat the same doughnut every morning, and pout if it's sold out.

What Donut Are You?

Mmmm, that donut really does look scrumptious.

Farewell, Christmas

2007-12-31T00:37:42Z

Well, Christmas has come and gone. Every year I'm amazed by how quickly it goes, and now I'm dreading having to take down all of the decorations. Our tree was a good one - majestic and stalwart 'til the end... it'll be sad to see her go. :(

Our family room looking quite festive on Christmas.

I had an unexpected treat on Christmas morning: a beautiful, shiny MacBook Pro and Final Cut software so I can actually edit my own stuff! I'm so excited to use it! I am also a little bit nervous because it's so nice and I don't want to accidentally eff it up. I also got some giftcards (Starbucks, Best Buy, Barnes & Noble), a book about Molly Brown, the soundtrack to Atonement, a new wallet, "America's Castles" on DVD, 'n more.

The laptop of dreams...

Well, the new year is just around the corner. I can't say I'm thrilled that 2008 is already here, because I haven't accomplished as much as I wanted to this year. However, I do think 2008 will be an exciting, productive, life-changing year for me. I've been saving up a lot of money lately (I actually did AMAZINGLY WELL at work tonight thanks to the generosity of a very nice woman... I'm tempted to say the amount but I don't want to be ultra tack) and I'm trying to be more responsible about my spending habits. I've also been drinking alone less, which is good.

Now that Christmas is over, I wish it would get warm again. I'm craving sunshine and short sleeves. And California.

Well I'm goin' out west where I belong...

Oh, and another name was added to the V.I.P. list for the Gurlfriendz Ball: "Mrs. X"

If you haven't seen The Nanny Diaries yet, it's worth it just for Laura Linney's performance. Also, even though it pains me to admit it, Scarlett Johaneesssoen was a wee bit less heinous than usual.

hauntedgeek @ 2007-09-18T01:56:00

2007-09-18T06:53:56Z

hauntedgeek @ 2007-07-02T03:18:00

2007-07-02T07:23:07Z

Objectives for tomorrow (well, today...)

- Clean out my car and maybe even get a car wash afterwards.

- Fix this junkyard of a room. This will take hours. I may even cave in and buy a few things to help spruce it up, because it's just a terrible mess.

- Go swimming for a bit, and tan as well. It's July - no reason to be pale!

- Drop off a bunch of old clothes at the Goodwill.

- Make a substantial bank deposit.

- Eat right.

- Reduce, reuse, recycle.

hauntedgeek @ 2007-06-25T15:06:00

2007-06-25T19:17:37Z

In the last few weeks, with Chris visiting and Stacey and others back from college, my days have been anything but routine. Due to rehearsals and play demands, I've worked fewer shifts at the restaurant, which means I've been making less money. Even so, I've been spending like a fiend. Every day it seems we're eating out at least once - sometimes three times - and probably also boozing it up, too. Last night was the final performance of The Tempest, and afterwards the cast went out for a late-night meal and then came back here for more drinks (the rest of the fam is down in Savannah this weekend for a family reunion, so we had the house to ourselves). I was up until around 6. I have also said and done too many stupid things to count the last few times I've been drunk.

Today, I feel sick, tired, and fat. I think I am going to really cut alcohol out completely - or, limit my consumption to one night a week or less. Also, I need to quit eating out so frequently. This morning, I realized I spent 50 on dinner last night, and I spent 60 on dinner a few nights ago. I need to remember to stay focused on building up my savings account instead of depleting it. I do not even want to know how big of a chunk my next credit card bill is going to consume.

Pool parties, dinners out, and 12-hour drinking sprees are all fun and glamorous, and I'm not saying that I regret spending time with my brother and friends, because I know this time is limited and this whole period has sort of had this melancholy "last summer" feel to it, but too much of it leaves me feeling guilty. I think cutting out booze, eating better, and being a tad thriftier will actually make me much happier. I still want to be in California by the end of summer.

I hope everyone is well.

hauntedgeek @ 2007-06-14T00:59:00

2007-06-14T05:39:53Z

Well, it has been quite a while since I posted anything in this dear old journal. I turned here tonight because sometimes people from work will see my Myspace blog, and also because I like to save Myspace blogs for more substantial or picture-heavy posts instead of "oh this is how my day was" entries.

I have been very busy with the play, especially this week. If I'm not rehearsing or working, I feel like I'm helping with the set. It's fun and all, although I am looking forward to having some time to just go lay by the pool and go swimming.

Things have definitely changed since Chris came home and Stacey came back to F'burg. It's amazing to me how when we get together to have lunch at Hunan or Pancho Villa or go to Border's it's just like old times. It's weird that in a couple of weeks Chris will be back in Savannah, the play will be over, and I'll resume my regular hours at the restaurant.

I recently had to shell out a LARGE sum of money to fix my car when it broke down, which was a bit of a setback. I think I am not going to be able to move until the end of August. I will work like a maniac as soon as the play is over. I have been eating better lately and will continue to diet. I really need to get my act together.

My life is a bit of a mess right now. I have been drinking too frequently, and I have been feeling pretty low very often. It's this business of serving others that is part of it, I know. And then there are the usual issues that I won't go into again. I just want to be in California soooooo badly. Whatever, this entry is pretty pointless.

hauntedgeek @ 2007-05-01T09:16:00

2007-05-01T14:05:37Z

I was awoken this morning by a plastic bag being shaken open by - who else? - Uncle Mike. I turned to look at the clock. 4:30. I lay in bed, unable to get back into a comfortable position. An hour later, I realized I was not going to go back to sleep, so I surrendered. I went downstairs and watched the gray shadows outside the front windows slowly render into tree trunks as the sun rose. The morning was unexpectedly cool - probably around 50 degrees. It felt like heaven. I put on a light sweater and decided to go somewhere. Starbucks was my first thought. As I was driving in that direction, another thought occurred to me: Hyperion. I would go to Old Town instead. So, I turned off and drove over the gently arching bridge, looking out at the steeples stabbing out of the bright green foliage across the river and the lovely arches of the train bridge off to the left, the white riverboat docked underneath. Of course my windows were down and I was listening to Smetana's "Moldau" and the music made the scene complete. Immediately I smelled the deep, damp, stony smell of the historic district, a combination of countless things but with the river and new leaves as key ingredients. I knew I had made the right decision in coming here.

I enjoyed a latte at Hyperion and then decided to take a stroll. It's amazing how many years I've spent here, and yet there are still so many charming places that are unknown to me. My walk was filled with delightful sights and smells and sounds: the pink roses blooming in front of the Fredericksburg Area Museum, a perfect spider web on a black wrought iron fence in front of the cemetery at St. George's, the distant church bells, yellow sunlight gleaming on red brick. A ballerina hanging in the window of Christmas Past, frozen midway through a jump, a single silver bead on her dress glinting in a sunray. A black and white spotted cat peeping at me in perfect stillness through a dusty window pane in a shabby Victorian house on Hanover. A girl in a plaid school uniform sipping hot cocoa on a bench with her older sister.

As I walked down Caroline Street on my way to breakfast, I stared up at the stories above street level, the apartments above the storefronts. I noticed lots of glorious architectural details and flourishes - arched Italianate windows and iron stars, all speckled with the lacy light filtering through the leaves. And even higher, rows of slate dormers with windows that opened up into the treetops.

During breakfast I looked up at the Art Deco tin ceiling painted white, and out through the window that looked out on the street. A few couples were out and about now, most walking dogs. A slight gust of wind dislodged the final, persistent pear blossom petals and they floated down like flurries.

I sat on a bench and was actually very happy that I was able to experience a quiet morning in such a rich, textured place. It made me wonder why "old town" has to be a place one visits to escape the "real world" of suburbs and strip malls and parking lots. Why can't this be our point of reference, instead of the other way around? Why can't this be the "real town," and all of that is the other?

Before walking back to the car, I returned to that row of pastel Victorian houses on Hanover and looked for the cat that stared at me earlier. Of course he was gone, in his place a black triangle between sheer curtains. No doubt his owner was awake now, probably an old woman who inherited the house, for who else really lives in those shabby houses besides people who've just always been there?

It made me sad to return to Sprawlville. I looked out now at vinyl monstrosities squatting on treeless square lots - three years ago this was a forest. Some people may be happy in places like this, although I cannot imagine how. I'll take a shabby Victorian over a shiny vinyl box any day.

hauntedgeek @ 2007-04-21T01:46:00

2007-04-21T05:58:05Z

You Belong in Paris

You enjoy all that life has to offer, and you can appreciate the fine tastes and sites of Paris.
You're the perfect person to wander the streets of Paris aimlessly, enjoying architecture and a crepe.

What European City Do You Belong In?

Random Thangs

2007-04-20T06:19:50Z

Guess what? The Deathly Hallows has already sold over 500,000 copies... and it doesn't come out until July 21! That's a record. Now, if you know me, you know I'm not some crazy Potterhead who goes to the bookstore the day before the book comes out in costume and waits until midnight and reads the whole thing in one sitting that very night. Buuut, anyone who read The Half-Blood Prince knows how mind-boggling the ending was, and even I, the self-proclaimed "casual Potter fan," am starting to get in a tizzy about the final book. I am also practically wetting myself in anticipation of seeing Umbridge in the next film - hopefully she'll be the ultimate kick-ass toad bitch that she was in the book.

Gah, I'm STARVING. I'm munching on BIG Cheez-Its (not just regular Cheez-Its, mind you, but "BIG" Cheez-Its: THE MAN CRACKER). I can't stuff enough of these puppies in my mouth at a time. I hope I don't choke to death.

The Las Vegas trip was interesting. It wasn't the best vacation ever, but it had its moments. I was disappointed that my mom wanted to hang out at the hotel so much, and nobody else seemed to be as enthusiastic about the "architecture" of the different hotels as I was, and as a result I ended up walking around by myself a lot. I did enjoy walking in and out of some of the nicer stores and admiring the goodies, but alas, until I get into shape I'm not spending another cent on clothes. We did have some very nice meals out, including a lunch at some cafe in the Paris hotel and a delicious dinner at a restaurant simply called The Steak House (although it was located in the too-stale-for-words Circus Circus). I think I'd like to go back with people my own age and maybe do more "nightlife" things.

Oh, and I came across this on the internet...

Cancer:

This is the sign that needs to be cuddled. They may believe that they were born in the wrong period or century. They DWELL in the past...Victorian...Roman...Medieval...You name it. This is a sign that is looking for TRUE love...I mean REAL TRUE DEEP LOVE...that 'Romancing The Stone' Frikkin 'Wuthering Heights' kind of love. They probably cry at the end of any Jane Austen flick. They want to be swept off of their feet. They really do deserve it, too. Sometimes Cancers pick the wrong guy/girl and get beat up or emotionally hurt. Why? They think its what they deserve. Which is bullshit. They are wonderful people.

Hmm, I normally don't put too much stock in astrology, but that is pretty much dead-on.

95 Years Ago Today

2007-04-15T05:25:02Z

A beautiful little clip from James Cameron's Titanic Explorer that tries to summarize the appeal of the Titanic story.

hauntedgeek @ 2007-03-30T01:01:00

2007-03-30T05:54:19Z

"You're not anyone in America unless you're on T.V."

Earlier tonight I was thinking about To Die For (a dark comedy starring Nicole Kidman as a delusional woman who seduces a teenager and convinces him to kill her husband, who stands in her way of becoming a celebrity) and decided to go out and buy it on DVD. First, I went to Border's, because even though they might be a bit more expensive they usually carry a wider selection of titles. Even though their computer said they had it, they didn't. Frustrated, I went to Target. Closed. So, I called Best Buy. Closed. So I went to Thuper Wal-Mart, and after pushing my way through the crowds of rednecks and slovenly employees waddling aimlessly in my path I finally got to the electronics section, which looked more like a set from The Day After Tomorrow. I asked the woman at the register if they carried the movie, and she looked it up in her binder and said, "We used to carry it but not no more."

Sufficiently ticked, I did what I always do when I need to destress: I saw a movie. Dead Silence, in fact. I didn't have high expectations but I was curious. Initially, I was very turned off by the obnoxious and overdone title sequence and the color palette of blues, grays, and cyans with blood red as the "pop" color that is used in every damn horror movie. However, as the movie progressed, it got more entertaining. There were some settings that, although cliche, were still delightfully gothic, such as an old family estate and an abandoned theatre. Things like torn, billowing curtains, cobwebbed pianos, and broken Victorian dolls may not make a movie good, but they are oxygen for my haunted lungs. Also, Amber Valletta was strikingly beautiful even if her role was small. Overall, it wasn't a great movie - not even a good movie - but it was certainly worth watching and I did get slightly creeped out once or twice.

As I left, I thought about why so many "scary" movies are ultimately disappointing. I really do want to remake "Eleanor's Lullaby" with better equipment, costumes, sets, etc. and use it as a competition piece, I think. Of all the movies Chris and I have made, I think this one has the strongest storyline. When I look back at the existing version, I see a lot of things that are good about it, but really I just think about how much better it could be now that I know so much more than I did when we made it. I wonder if there are any historic Victorian homes in the area that could pass as something in England.

Tomorrow I will check Best Buy when it's open. I need me some "I thought we were friiieeeends!"

hauntedgeek @ 2007-03-28T23:54:00

2007-03-29T03:56:59Z

I am listening to a gorgeous and haunting piece of operatic score from Children of Men called "Fragments of a Prayer." I am in a very peculiar mood, and I can't quite figure out what my ideal current situation/location would be. It would have to be somewhere dark. London, at night, in an top-floor apartment that is comfortably shabby but not at all junky or dilapidated. Something dim and warm with a fireplace and lots of built-in shelves overflowing with books and bric-a-brac. A pot of tea on a cherry endtable next to a deep sofa. A window open slightly, the sounds of the night coming in as soothing background noise. Maybe earlier in the evening I saw a play at one of the wonderful old theatres in the West End and I'm still letting the words and visuals turn over in my mind.

... I just came back upstairs with a steaming mug of Earl Grey tea and some candles. Now I can just clear my head of all the nonsense that has been occupying my thoughts throughout the day and forget about all of my frustrations and just ... listen to my favorite soothing classical music and allow myself to become transfixed by the flickering orange ceiling...

I am such a Victorian tonight.

hauntedgeek @ 2007-03-12T22:38:00

2007-03-13T03:11:26Z

I am so pissed off right now.

The crap began earlier today right before dinner when mom made me go out and buy cigarettes for a family friend who was having a nervous breakdown and was unable to drive herself. So, I had to go to Wawa and buy a whole box - not a pack - of cigarettes and drop them off to their rightful owner. By the time I got home, the burgers were cold. To make matters worse, after I took my first bite, I discovered my burger wasn't even cooked all the way through.

After my elegant dinner, I went in the family room to put on What's Eating Gilbert Grape?, which I watched for about 30 minutes before everyone came in and insisted that "House" was coming on, and even though it was a rerun, they watched it for an hour while I waited patiently to resume my movie. In the meantime, I started a load of laundry.

At 9:00 I put the movie back on, but around 10:00 I paused it so I could go and put my laundry in the dryer. As I walked into the kitchen to get through to the laundry room, I noticed Uncle Mike making one of my Lean Cuisines for himself - which is not only fucking rude but comical considering he's severely underweight as it is. As I stood there at the washer and dryer, he limped out of the kitchen and in the direction of the family room. A few seconds later, I heard him switch the TV from DVD mode to cable mode. Goddamn rude bastard.

So now I am upstairs waiting for my laundry to be done drying so I can drive the hell away from this house and maybe do SOMETHING that will make this day off not such a complete waste. But what am I supposed to do at 11 on a Monday night? Go to Wawa and get a made-to-order sandwich and eat it in the parking lot? Drive 20 minutes away to the Super Wal-Mart and browse the picked-over electronics section?

I hate Uncle Mike and I hate this lame town and I am going to go crazy. I really do hate my life right now. This can't be real. How is this my life and not some stale dream? I feel like selling the Jeep, taking the few thousand I get, and going to Los Angeles ASA-fucking-P. No matter how poor I might be initially, at least I'll be free and in a place where I want to be.

hauntedgeek @ 2007-03-10T14:45:00

2007-03-10T20:08:58Z

A server from the restaurant just called me and asked if I wanted to serve tonight for him, and I said I would. I should be happy, because I need money, and I am bound to make at least 100-150 tonight. I just wasn't expecting another hectic night ahead of me. I'm sure once I get there I'll be fine, and I'm sure by the end of the night I'll be happy that I worked. Being a server really is exhausting, especially when you're expected to remain cool and collected and proper even when you have four tables at the same time who all need attention. I just hope I'm busy but not overwhelmed tonight.

I am really just killing time before I have to get ready. The weather today is beautiful - sunny, upper 60s. I cleaned my room, which always makes me feel better. I don't know, Stafford is just so boring. There are no new movies out that I want to see. I don't need to spend any more money on clothes or CDs or DVDs. I could get coffee or something but I'm trying to cut back on caffeinated drinks.

When I get home from work tonight I'm going to plop down on the couch with my laptop and probably half-watch SNL while browsing the internet. Same thing every Saturday night. I am so bored with everything - bored with work, bored with my days off work, bored of the mall, bored of seeing mediocre movies just for the sake of doing something.

Blah. What a pointless post. Time to get ready. Maybe I will get some coffee - it usually gives me a warm fuzzy feeling.

hauntedgeek @ 2007-03-07T23:17:00

2007-03-08T04:41:10Z

Earlier this evening I was on Flickr.com, browsing pictures of tropical beaches, island resorts, and cruise ships at sunset, and I thought to myself, "I really would love to go to some Caribbean paradise. I'd sleep in until 10, then go down to the beach and put on suntan lotion and lay out for a couple of hours, enjoying a refreshing smoothie (possibly with some coconut rum in it) and listening to the crashing waves and swishing palms. Then, to cool down, I'd go for a swim in the crystal clear water for an hour or so. Then it's time to go back to the hotel room for a cold sandwich and a late afternoon nap. Dinner would involve dressing in a white polo shirt and lightweight khakis and going down to some outdoor restaurant where you can dine on a candlelit porch overlooking the beach in the magical moonlight.

Inspired, I drove to the grocery store, came back, and whipped together the closest thing to an "island feast" I could improvise this late at night. I set the mood by turning up the space heater in my room, dimming the lights, and changing into beachy clothes. I had a salad of fresh radicchio and butter lettuce tossed in honey balsamic dressing, broiled marinated mahimahi, crabcakes, and rice pilaf with a bottle of white wine while listening to a loop of ocean waves and Caribbean steel drums. When I was finished and the wine began to take its effect, I allowed myself to get carried away to a fantasy future where I'm with a significant other and we're in love and I'm happier than I ever thought I would be.

Miss Chloe Ginger just came into my room and she's purring up a storm. It's funny how cats will meow in pain when you pick them up when they don't want to be held, yet later they come up to you purring and brushing up against you, begging for affection. It's rare for Chloe to be in such an affectionate mood, so even though she doesn't exactly fit in to my Caribbean fantasy, I will give her all the attention she desires. Or maybe she just smells the mahimahi.

I hope I find someone, anyone who I could have a real connection with. I hope my life is a happy one, no matter what I end up doing, be it acting, directing, designing houses, restoring historic buildings, or even something completely different. I hope I have the financial freedom before I'm too old to be able to visit exotic places that I've always wanted to explore. I don't want five cars or multiple properties all over the world, but I do want to be able to afford nice dinners at fine restaurants, tickets to shows and operas that I want to see, and a house that I can make into my own personal utopia, no matter where it is. It's funny how you fantasize about your life as a "grown up" when you're young, and no matter how life does turn out, inevitably it's different from what you imagined. Not better or worse, mind you, just different. In a strange way, that makes me sad. That's probably because I'm the type of person who sends my mind on something and pursues it until I achieve it, even if it's something silly like having a "tropical feast" at midnight in Stafford, Virginia. I need to accept that I'm not God and no matter how I wish events to unfold, inevitably life will be something else. That's the frustrating yet exciting thing about life. No matter what, though, I won't be living here much longer. I feel like I'm in limbo here, and time is passing in reality yet in my mind it's standing still. I'm going to be turning 24 in July and yet I can't seem to comprehend that sometimes. I'm still so inexperienced romantically, and my career is still up in the air. Will I find success as a film actor? Will I be chosen for "On the Lot"? Will I go back to grad school and become a licensed architect? Will I settle down in Virginia, California, South Carolina, New York, or somewhere else completely? Will I get married and have children? So many questions - I just want my life to actually START. I must move to L.A. before I turn 24, and I must put all of my energy into getting into shape so I won't be a lonely chub forever.

Chloe is gone, and my bottle of pinot grigio is empty. Woe is me. I'm still listening to the steel drums and ocean waves, and it's so beautiful. Sometimes I am reminded of how beautiful the world is, such as when I was looking at pictures of tropical islands. I mean, I'm not a Parrot Head who's obsessed with palm trees and parrots, but I can appreciate the beauty of such a landscape "as much as the next fat person," as Trunchbull would say. I want to go snorkling and look down at all of the different species of fish and see coral reefs. God, our planet is so amazing and yet we're lazy hooligans who vandalize it and destroy it and it's revolting. As soon as I can afford to buy a new car, I'm trading in my jeep for a hybrid, and no matter where I end up living, I must have an active role in helping to preserve the wonders of our planet Earth, for she is too dear and too wonderful to be anything but her absolute FINEST. There is some new miniseries filmed on high definition that's coming on the Discovery Channel about Earth that looks fascinating and I can't wait to buy it on DVD. I really HATE HATE HATE ignorant fools who believe that "God" made the planet for us to use and abuse as much as we see fit and don't care if obscure species become endangered or extinct - I am getting nauseous just thinking about these stupid idiots. I feel guilt that I drive a car that gets, what, a whopping 16 miles to the gallon? That's inexcusable. I do not want to hurt my Mother Nature in any way. Hybrid, here I come!

I want to be a GREAT actor who turns into a GREAT director soooooo baaaaaaadly. I need to make an imprint in film history. I love films so much and I love acting and directing so much. God, please help me achieve these wishes.

Sometimes I wonder whether or not I actually believe in God. I mean, I was raised Christian and I think there are many great things about Christianity, such as loving all people and trying not to judge others, even though they may be very different from you, for what right have you to judge? Only God has that right. Yet, sometimes, I wonder if God is really there. I mean, who created God? And there are so many things in the Bible that don't make sense to me. Morally, I don't believe it's wrong that some people love members of the same sex. There are other, non-moral issues in the Bible that don't make sense to me, either. I don't believe that Noah fit two of every kind of animal in his wooden ark. I don't believe it never rained on Earth until God flooded it, either. I believe Christ was a great philosopher and moralist and I agree 100% with Christ's teachings, but was he the mortal son of God?! Did Mary actually become pregnant as a virgin?!? I just have so many doubts. I guess right now I would call myself "undecided" or "agnostic." I would like to believe there is a God, and I would like to believe there's an afterlife after our time here on Earth is spent, but I just don't know if there's any PROOF of this. I am afraid of hell though, and I wonder if this is because I was raised in such a Christian household that I can never completely disregard that notion.

Sometimes I think if I was insanely good-looking, then all other problems with life would be... insignificant. I hate to say that, because it sounds so frivolous, but it's true. I'd rather be GORGEOUS and dim than hideous and intelligent. Why is that? Why am I so fascinated with physical beauty? I mean, I don't judge people by their looks, so why do I hold myself to a different standard? Why do I feel that I'm unworthy to feel any happiness if I'm not the most stunningly good-looking person who ever lived? I really, really don't know. I feel like I'm unworthy of love because of the way I currently look. Yet I don't believe I'd ever get plastic surgery, either. I wish I wasn't such a f****** basketcase. Human beauty is one of the wonders of life. No matter how much you think you can rise above an appreciation for it and value a person based on internal attributes, at the end of the day, when you see a gorgeous person, you are in awe. More than anything else, I wish people would look at me and think, "Wow, that's one handsome guy." Too bad that's impossible. God, life is not fair. At best I can hope to be marginally handsome. However, some days I really do believe I'm unfit for eyes to fall upon me. I should probably see a therapist, but what could he/she possibly say that would help me in this matter? I hate to admit this, but I think physical attraction is very important in a relationship, and I could never see myself ending up with someone who I didn't find physically appealing. I know that's shallow, but attraction to be is a combination of both external and internal attributes. I could never see myself with a beautiful but vain and selfish person, either.

Right now, honestly, I feel like my life kind of sucks. I just hope that soon things will turn around. That I'll be able to move, that I will find work as an actor, that I will meet someone who loves me. Until then, the only comforts are my fantasy nights of drinking and pretending I'm somewhere else and sometime else.

hauntedgeek @ 2007-03-07T01:04:00

2007-03-07T06:04:30Z

Create your own Friend Quiz here

Blah Blah

2007-03-06T05:39:16Z

I haven't posted in quite a while. I am doing this because - well, partly I feel obligated to update because it has been so long, and also I'm bored to death and my attempts at sketching went nowhere.

I have had several things weighing me down lately, and I really don't know how to relieve the pressure. There's no denying that my hairline has changed in the last couple of years, and the person cutting my hair the other day noted that it was thinning a bit toward the front. I just hope to God that this is just something that happens when men get into their 20s and it doesn't get any worse. As vain and pitiful as it sounds, I really don't know what I would do if it did. I mean, it's not BAD right now, but the fact that it's different at all is depressing. I guess this is the first real sign of aging and it's scary.

We all know I turn to food when I'm feeling low, so naturally I have been eating poorly lately. Let's see - for dinner last night I had a burger with bacon, fries, and a diet coke for dinner, and tonight I had a Chick-Fil-A sandwich, fries, 8-piece nuggets, and diet coke. This is inexcusable. Starting right now I am on a strict diet. Also, I will go for a run every morning - no exceptions. I think this simple act every day will bring some much-needed order into my life and hopefully have a domino effect. I need to stop staying up until 3 or 4 and sleeping in until 11 or 12.

I have been doing more serving at the restaurant lately. It's been going very well so far, even though sometimes I'm still a Fumbling Fiona during the wine presentations. Obviously the best part is the money. And let me be clear - even though I'm making more doing this than I did doing any other job I've ever had, it's also a LOT of work and every penny is deserved. I'm glad I have this experience in case I need to use it when I move to California.

I can't believe it's already March. Gosh, time is flying. And sometimes I feel like I've barely made any progress in my life. I just need to get back on track and not forget that every night of work brings me closer to L.A.

I want to be here.

hauntedgeek @ 2007-02-07T02:23:00

2007-02-07T08:03:33Z

Alas, it is 2:25 and I have been tossing and turning for the past hour. I guess I should have expected this - I did have coffee right before work tonight, because frankly I needed some caffeine and a mood lifter to get me through the night. I had hoped I would be cut considering it's a weeknight and we've been slow lately, because I wanted to visit Lizzie, so I was initially upset when I realized I was going to have to stay the night. However, I did make enough money to justify being there ($140, in fact).

On Thursday morning I'm driving down to Savannah to visit Chris and Nick and do some editing. I also have to film my 30-45 second introduction to "Final Crossing." I figure since I'm going all the way down I should make a mini-vacation out of it, so hopefully we'll be able to do some fun things down there when I'm not editing. In a weird way, Savannah almost seems like some long dream. I was there for about 9 months, yet I can't even remember the zip code of the apartment or some of the street names downtown. There are a lot of things I miss - living with Chris and Nick, the old buildings, the number of young and artistic people, the restaurants, Spanish moss, Tybee Island, my freedom. For the record, I don't miss the heat in summer, the roaches that always managed to find their way into the apartment, the homeless people, the parking meters, the odd reeks, the ambulances zooming past my bedroom window 24/7, or the random gunshots in the distance.

I am glad I am working as a dinner server a few nights a week now. I make a lot more money doing that than being a host (usually), so once I get the hang of it and am doing it more often I'll be able to get a better idea of how long it'll take me to save up the amount I need for moving. I will be turning 24 in California, as God is my witness.

P.S. Under no circumstances should you see The Messengers. It was truly one of the most unscary, comical, derivative, infuriating, mind-numbingly bad "horror" movies I've ever seen. I thought I'd at least get a handful of jumps out of it, but I didn't flinch once, except of course when I was trying to suppress my laughter as a black-haired, veiny-skinned ghost boy scurried across the ceiling in fast motion as "ghostly noises" (reversed screams and whispers layered over one another - wow, I've never heard that before!) emanated from his Grudge-style mouth. I can't believe I've already wasted 3 minutes writing about this rubbish. Don't see it.

Ain't No Subjectiva

2007-01-24T04:53:02Z

I'm drinking by myself. I'm on my bed in my room, listening to only the fan from my laptop and the occasional creak from this drafty old house. And I'm sitting here sobbing. I'm so dman pathetique. I am infatuatied riught now. Infatuated with a person who does or could not ever return the same feelings. It makes me so frustrated and angry and sad. Why am I such a failure at relationships and love? Why am I such a psycho? Thank goodness I only bought enough booze to get me slightly tipsy and not super sick drunk because if I had any more alcholohl in the house I'd definitely be drinking it right now. I thougjt my new year was not going to involve crying and weeping while I sit intoicatied in front of a copmputter screen but I guess funadametally I am just a mess - an emotional wreck. Why am I sych a Messed-up Marcie? I was never physically abused or sexually abused or anything of the sort, so why am I a sheltered pixie when it comes to letting people in or even telling people how I feel about them,? Ain't the end of the world. but I act like it is. I am afraid I am never going to meet someone who likes me who I like back. I mean, am I really THAT hideous that nobody likes me? Some days I feel like the hunchback of Notre Dame, doomed to wander the world hiding in shadows because I am unfit for the light to fall upon me. Ohter days I feel pretty decent about myself, but ain't nobody else that I like does. I am such a failuare at relationshia.

I wish I had more to dirnk. As Kiki Dunst would say in Interview with a Vampiyre, "I want some more." Speaking of that movie, I want to be a vintage rich person in New Orleans so badly. I AM a welathy soul at heart - I mean, I hate to say it, but I am just that way. I am a snob when it comes to quality things and houses and art and everything. I know I am destined for great things in some form or another- I don't mean to sound like I'm gragginb or anything ,but that's just the way it is. I know I'm diffrerent than most people, not cut out to live a typical, average life. I just need to get into shape and stop being so chubz and then maybe I won't hate the way I look when I ook in the mirror. I really hope I go out and live my dream life. Maybe instead of a life of love I'll have a great career where I'll get to feel love thorugh the characters I 'm playing. Is that sad?

If I don't become a successful actor who turns director, I really don't know what I ' mg oing to do with myself. There is no other option. Am I too ugly to be a leading man? I hope not. I mean, I know I'm too chubz right now but once I'm in shjape, could I honestly hope to get cast in thsoe roles? Or am I a Delusional Dunst? I hate how pathetique I am riught now, drinking by my freakin' self in my lame freakin' room in my parents house. I hope I feel beter tomorrow.

A Cure for Boredom

2007-01-16T08:02:37Z

What is your first and middle name?
Garrison Edward - stuffy, I know...

Would you ever change your name?
I don't love it, but out of principle I wouldn't change it

How old are you?
23

How tall are you?
6'3"?

Are you old enough to vote?
yes

What is your zodiac sign?
cancer

Who do you live with?
right now, my parents and two of my brothers

Do you have any pets?
my family does... personally, no

Do you have a friend named Katie?
I know a few Katies, but none of them are good friends

Do you have a cell?
my body is composed of many cells

What is your natural hair color?
dark brown

What is your current hair color?
dark brown

Is your hair long or short?
short

Is your hair straight or curly?
curly

What shirt are you currently wearing?
a white T-shirt - how exciting, eh?

What pants are you currently wearing?
blue jeans - again, thrilling

What shoes did you wear today?
my brown and red sneakers

Did you flirt with anyone today?
I don't really flirt... at least I don't do it consciously

Did you fight with anyone today?
not really

Did you fall asleep in class at all today?
ain't no class

Did you ride the bus today?
geez, this survey is obviously for tweens

What was the last CD you bought?
the Dreamgirls soundtrack as a gift for someone

When was the last time you were at the mall?
yesterday

Have you ever been called a tease?
maybe not that exact word... but something to that effect

Have you ever been called ugly?
... yes

Have you ever been called a skank?
no

Have you ever been called a whore?
yes, jokingly

Have you ever been called a hoe?
jokingly

Have you ever beeen called a slut?
jokingly

Who was the last person you were on the phone with?
my mom

When was the last time you were at a dance?
sometime in college

When was the last time you were at Target?
today! My mom sent me out to buy a wreath for our front door to make our house look more inviting since we're putting it up for sale, but I didn't find one :(

When was the last time you went to a baseball game?
forever ago

When was the last time you went to a hockey game?
high school

What CD is currently in your cd player?
in my car, my "January 07 Mix" that includes a lot of The Submarines

Who was the last person you talked to in person?
Ben?

Who was the last person you talked to online?
Nick

Who was the last person you text messaged?
Nick

What is your favorite car?
I like Jaguars but I wouldn't want one until I'm older

What is your favorite color?
deep, rich red - like blood red or the color of a heavy old theatre curtain

What did you eat for breakfast today?
coffee

What did you eat for lunch?
some sort of sesame chicken Lean Cuisine with lots of veggies and noodles - it was quite tasty

What did you eat for dinner?
a fresh green salad with light Italian dressing, steak, and a generous helping of oven-roasted seasoned potatoes

What are your plans for tonight?
finishing this lame survey, resisting sleep even though I am tired because I never want to go to bed

What are your plans for tomorrow?
work at night... being a sloth before then

Do you like surveys?
No, I would never fill out a survey

Five Movies You Love-
1. Titanic
2. It's a Wonderful Life
3. The Wizard of Oz
4. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
5. Jurassic Park

Five Random Things About Yourself-
1. I love pickles
2. I'm pretty much an anglophile
3. I have the ability to fall in love with houses - I'm serious, when I'm around a house that I find attractive, my heart flutters...
4. I can wiggle my ears
5. I can only sleep if I'm on my right side

Five States in the U.S. You've Been To-
1. CA
2. FL
3. NY
4. GA
5. ME

Five Foods You Like-
1. meatball subs
2. pepperoni pizza
3. chicken fingers
4. burgers
5. spaghetti and meatballs

Five Drinks You Adore-
1. fruit punch
2. chocolate milk
3. orange juice WITH PULP - I can't even swallow pulp-free OJ
4. hot chocolate
5. Diet Coke

Five things You Will Do/Have Done This Summer-
WILL DO:
1. turn 24
2. go to Disneyland, because I'll be in L.A.
3. go back to Las Vegas with the fam
4. visit the fam at the New Mexico house probably
5. hopefully get an acting job!

Five TV Shows You Like-
1. Desperate Housewives
2. The Wonder Years
3. Saved by the Bell
4. Hey Dude
5. Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Five Names You Go by-
1. Gar
2. Tartie
3. Gulliver
4. Harrison Garrison
5. Gar Bear